BIG CHANGES COMING

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes;  its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”  Jeremiah 17:7-8

My husband and I are making some BIG CHANGES in our lives in 2021 as a direct act of worship and trust in our Lord.  I will be writing a post about this soon, but need some time to work it out in my head enough to write about it.  The bottom line, though, is that we feel God calling us to a season of trust in Him.  We have been trying to direct and control our lives for years, and all that we have gotten from that is extremely poor health (mine), extremely high anxiety (both of us), and a struggle to focus on what is important.  We are so distracted by the world that Jesus has become secondary (at best).  

So- to step out in faith we are purposefully decreasing so that God can increase.  This is a huge change for us, and one I have been fighting for last past 5 years as we have talked about it off and on for that long. 

But our Father's grace is truly an incredible gift... and through His love and mercy, I am finally ready to take the leap (my husband has been ready for quite a while now).  

On January 29, 2021 I will leave my career and effectively cut my family's income in half so that we can focus on trusting the Lord.  We are walking away from the major distraction in our lives, my career, so we can finally hear what God is saying to us.  Scary?  It should be.... but the truth of this verse is working a miracle in us right now:

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:7

Stay tuned..... more to come!

Christian discernment at election time

"I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people – for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.” 1 Timothy 2:1-2

On my heart this morning is a strong feeling that I have to say something in witness to God our Creator during this time of unrest and Presidential election. It has been a long time since I have felt compelled to write. There are many times I want to write something about my faith, or about something I am reading in my Bible studies.... but I have learned over the years that my writing on topics of faith and God is only possible when God Himself compels me. This is a good thing, because I still do not feel worthy or capable of writing truthfully or in a way that honors our Lord. I worry often about writing false statements about God, faith, and the Bible and therefore misleading others, which would be worse then almost anything in my mind.

But today, during my morning prayer and devotional reading, I felt such a strong compulsion to share what I was writing in my journal that here I am, putting it out there publicly forever. My prayer is that I am speaking truth and not lies.... that the Spirit is moving my fingers and my words and not Satan. I consider Philippians 4:8 to be one of my major life verses and never want to do something that contradicts these words in my writing here:

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things."

There is a great responsibility put upon believers in our Lord Jesus Christ to follow and defend God's commands. While we may not technically be under the law due to Jesus' fulfillment of it, being under Grace does not absolve us of the responsibility to honor and obey the natural order God has put in place in the world.

For the past few years I have been thinking a lot about what that natural order is. There are so many ways we can fall into the weeds and wind up resting on a legalistic view of faith and religion if we are not careful. That said, loving one another, as the Bible commands, does not mean accepting unacceptable, sinful, or blasphemous behavior that derives its value from Satan. The God of Heaven may have provided us with a tremendous demonstration of His love for us by sending Jesus as propitiation for our sins, but He did not change or abolish the natural order for human behavior which was created when He created the world.

While I do not pretend to be a scholar on these things, I do think A LOT about this topic and read a fair amount. As I said earlier, it is so hard for me to put these thoughts out there because I worry about being incorrect. Discussions with my husband on matter's of faith and God definitely serve to keep me humble in this area, and remind me of my frailty when it comes to faithful living and thinking. I worry quite a bit about being a tool for Satan, which I am at great risk of if I am not careful. That said.... here were my thoughts on this topic this morning.

The 3 main values I believe I must focus on FIRST as I consider voting in November are:

• The sanctity of Life
• The sanctity of Marriage
• Freedom of Worship and Religion

There are MANY other considerations, of course.... the government has tremendous impact on all aspects of our lives. BUT, to me as a Christian, these values must be and are primary. There is no nuance to them. They are sacrosanct and not up for debate. Regardless of a candidate's platform on healthcare, taxes, defense spending, or a myriad of other things that are IMPORTANT.... the 3 bullets above are ABSOLUTE to a Christian and must be considered before anything else. While God commands us to render to Caesar what is  Caesar's.... He also commands us to give to God what is God's. To a Christian God comes before ALL ELSE... therefore we must consider what is God's before we consider what is man's. Government and all that goes with it is man's.... therefore I must consider God's areas first, and then move on to man's.

Our country is in such turmoil right now.... the most I have ever seen in my nearly 49 years on earth. I believe we are truly on the brink of destruction not unlike Sodom, Gomorrah, Babylon, the Roman empire. It is more important than ever that we take a strong stand for the foundation of God's creation. The more we stray from God and His foundational principles for us, the worse it will be for Believers and non-believers alike until Jesus returns. 

I did not vote for Trump or Hillary in 2016. Actually, at that time I was only a few years into my journey as a Christian. I was still such a baby in my faith but had A LOT to say about the intersection of my faith and God's word as I knew it then and what I was seeing happening with the Presidential candidates. You can look back at my blog posts from that time, there were many. Some may have been a bit misinformed, but I choose to leave them there because it is reflection of where was I was at that time. As humans we continue to grow and learn, and as the popular Maya Angelou quote goes: "I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better."

Back to why I did not vote for either of them (although I did vote). I did not vote for them because I did not believe they would protect the basic precepts of humanity under God. Hillary pretty much said so and still does today (as do most Democratic candidates, unfortunately). Trump may have said some "Christian" things, but I did not vote for him because I did not believe him due to his former record and behavior as it relates to being a Believer. 

Now, in 2020, I am faced again with an election that requires me to look deeply at the things I believe and that are paramount to Christianity and judge the candidates presented against these things.

We are just under 2 months out from the election, and I don't know yet what I will do. My gut is telling me not to be swayed by the loud voices all around me, but to spend time in deep prayer and ask for the will of God to be revealed. Ultimately, His will WILL be done.... God is sovereign and nothing happens that doesn't work for His ultimate glory. As Christians like to say, we know how it ends. Having said that.... we don't know WHEN it will end, or when our own personal journey will be finished on this earth. In the meantime, we must be faithful and not operate out of fear or pressure from others who may not share our deeply held beliefs (and there are many that claim to but do not, remember that).

What I do know is that in my faithfulness there are some things I cannot vote for.

I cannot:

• vote for someone who is mentally incompetent
• vote for someone who will not recognize and support the sanctity of human life, including unborn babies, the ill or infirm, and vulnerable adults 
• vote for someone who doesn't recognize the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman or that works to undermine it
• vote for someone who sees government as higher or more important than church and will use power to control the church and Christian behavior

I continue to think and pray about this, and, if you are a Christian, I hope you will, too. These are not easy times, and trying to marry the values of this world with the values of the Kingdom is a fruitless endeavor fraught with peril. In order to be wise, we must get VERY CLEAR on what our Kingdom priorities are first. As a Christian this is the only way to roll.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

I am being cleansed and so are you

"Beloved Savior, let the glorious, ceaseless cleansing of Thy blood through Thy Spirit in me be made known to me and shared by me every moment. Amen."

Do you at times feel so unworthy to call yourself a Christian? Do you stumble sometimes- saying or thinking terrible, unchristian-like things? Or maybe your wants overshadow everything, causing your to hoard, spend money you don't have, or covet the things others post pictures of on social media, consuming you with obsessive jealously? Or maybe you are just sad in your heart because you are unsure of your salvation and don't know if God really loves you because you find yourself unlovable? 

I can truly say yes to ALL of the above and sometimes it is all I can do to lift my head up from my shame and sadness over all my weaknesses. It is true.... I struggle internally more now than I ever did before I was saved. Before I was oblivious, now, my love for Jesus so strong that it puts all my sins and weaknesses in front of me like a magnifying glass. Jesus doesn't do this to me, the evil one does.


I know I am not alone in this... so if you are struggling today... maybe this devotional will help to remind you that you are FREE from these things! Jesus cleansed you of ALL sin; big, small, and everything in between. You are renewed hourly by His sacrifice, what an AMAZING gift! Dry your tears today, and thank Jesus for His love. You may cry some more tomorrow, we are only human after all... and as your Sister in Christ I am here to tell you I understand and I struggle, too.


TODAY, after crying many tears during my prayer time this morning, I picked myself up, dried those tears, said a prayer of thanks, and am here to give you a hug from one broken Believer to another. We will get through this with the love of Christ and the love of our brothers and sisters in the faith. BELIEVE!!


I did not write the below, it was posted by Truth for Life- you can find the original post here

Cleanses
The blood of Jesus his son cleanses us from all sin.   1 John 1:7

"Cleanses," says the text—not "shall cleanse." There are multitudes who think that as a dying hope they may look forward to pardon. Oh, how infinitely better to have cleansing now than to depend on the bare possibility of forgiveness when I come to die.

Some imagine that a sense of pardon is an attainment only obtainable after many years of Christian experience. But forgiveness of sin is a present reality—a privilege for this day, a joy for this very hour. The moment a sinner trusts Jesus he is fully forgiven. The text, being written in the present tense, also indicates continuance; it was "cleanses" yesterday, it is "cleanses" today, it will be "cleanses" tomorrow. This is the way it will always be with you, Christian, until you cross the river; every hour you may come to this fountain, for it cleanses still.

Notice, likewise, the completeness of the cleansing: "The blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin"—not only from sin, but "from all sin." Reader, I cannot convey the exceeding sweetness of this word, but I pray that God the Holy Ghost will give you a taste of it. Manifold are our sins against God. Whether the bill be little or great, the same receipt can discharge one as the other. The blood of Jesus Christ is as blessed and divine a payment for the transgressions of blaspheming Peter as for the shortcomings of loving John.

Our iniquity is gone, all gone at once, and all gone forever. Blessed completeness! What a sweet theme to dwell upon as one gives himself to sleep.

Sins against a holy God;
Sins against His righteous laws;
Sins against His love, His blood;
Sins against His name and cause;
Sins immense as is the sea—
From them all He cleanseth me.

Patience and trust as a woman in the world

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.  Proverbs 3:5-6

Is there something in your life that is causing you anxiety and strife? Do you feel torn between 2 paths, or maybe you have important and worthy (to you) priorities that are in competition with each other? I am convicted by this in my own life, and am sharing it here and being vulnerable as much for you as for me.

As a Christian woman who struggles with the competing priorities of work and family, I know full well the anxiety it brings. We are told that we can have it all, do it all, and do it all well. I believe that is a lie. It doesn't work that way in my life. I cannot seem to balance the competing priorities of work and family in a way that honors both. I am always more successful at the one I give the most attention to, and I don't have enough energy or attention to do it all well all of the time. We were created to serve the Lord, and to honor Him with our lives. I believe that, as a woman, God made me for a very special unique purpose just like he made men for a very special and unique purpose. We fit together with our unique gifts and blessings to make a whole. It is right there in Genesis. God created Adam, and then created Eve out of Adam because “… the Lord God said, “it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” Genesis 2:18.

Ever since being saved and reading and studying God's word, I am finding that, in my life, the struggle to be successful both at home and at work are competing priorities. As the years go by I am more and more convicted that I do not appreciate enough God's blessing in my life of an incredible and loving husband and fantastic children. I get caught up in the whirlwind of career, and, as I become more and more successful in that career, it overshadows my role of wife and mother. I get recognition at work in a way I don't at home. I get to use what I perceive to be my strengths at work in a way that I don't seem to be able to at home. The anxiety and the struggle comes when I choose my work OVER my home, which I am inclined to do, sad to say. Work, at times, is more fulfilling to me than my role at home (THAT was hard to write and admit out loud… oh the shame).

The anxiety that overwhelms me more and more, I believe, is God's message that my life is out of line with his will for me. The anxiety sends me to my Bible and to prayer, seeking His help. Every time I have a spell of anxiety that I can't manage on my own, He sends me a message like today's devotion which I have linked and copied below. These messages have happened so often that I simply cannot ignore it.

I am not preaching to you about this as much as I am sharing my heart and letting God work though my words if He chooses. I am not an expert on these things. Not by a long shot. I will never pretend to know what your purpose on earth is or how God is working in your life. What I DO know, is that ever since God saved me for His kingdom I have longed to do what I should in honor of His great love, and I believe I fail more than I succeed. I believe He has put the blessing of a husband like Chad and children like Ben, Rachel, Alex, and Gabe in my life for a reason. They should never take 2nd place to anything else, and I’m sad and ashamed to say, they often do.

This devotion from Truth for Life really spoke to me today... maybe it has something to say to you as well? Here is a link to it, and it is also pasted below: http://bit.ly/2L7y7F4

Patience in Affliction: Wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14

It may seem an easy thing to wait, but it is one of the postures that a Christian soldier cannot learn without years of teaching. Marching and quick-marching are much easier for God's warriors than standing still. There are hours of perplexity when the most willing spirit, anxiously desiring to serve the Lord, does not know what role to play. Then what shall it do? Vex itself by despair? Retreat back in cowardice, turn to the right hand in fear, or rush forward in presumption? No, simply wait. Wait in prayer, however. Call upon God, and spread the matter before Him; tell Him your difficulty, and plead His promise of help.

In dilemmas between one duty and another, it is best to be humble as a child and wait with simplicity of soul upon the Lord. It is sure to be well with us when we feel and know our own folly and are genuinely willing to be guided by the will of God. But wait in faith. Express your unstaggering confidence in Him; for unfaithful, untrusting waiting is just an insult to the Lord. Believe that if He keeps you waiting even until midnight, He will still come at the right time; the vision will come and not delay. Wait in quiet patience, not rebelling because things are difficult, but blessing your God for the privilege of affliction.

Never grumble against the second cause, as the children of Israel did against Moses; never wish you could go back to the world again, but accept the circumstance as it is, and put it as it stands, simply and with your whole heart, without any selfish agenda, into the hand of your covenant God, saying, "Now, Lord, not my will, but Yours be done. I do not know what to do. I am at an end of myself, but I will wait until You part the floods or drive back my enemies. I will wait, even if You test me for a while, for my heart is fixed upon You alone, O God, and my spirit waits for You in the deep conviction that You will still be my joy and my salvation, my refuge and my strong tower."

Want to read a commentary that I found helpful on the Biblical view of a woman in relation to a man as I struggle with this in my own life? http://bit.ly/2LkgxMS

In this time of grief - a prayer

A coworker of mine just lost her 22 year old son.  The details are not fully known, but he was suffering from depression and it appears that played a role in his passing.

As a mom my heart is absolutely broken for her.  I have addressed suicide before in this blog, and so won't do that again here.  I was blessed to be able to lead prayer before a meeting today, and I wrote this with her in mind.  I thought I would share it here for those who may be suffering from crushing grief in their own lives right now.

PRAYER FOR A TIME OF GRIEF

The Footprints Prayer- author unknown

One night I had a dream…

I dreamt I was walking along the beach with the Lord, and across the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; One belonged to me, and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of my life flashed before us, I looked back at the footprints in the sand. I noticed that many times along the path of my life, there was only one set of footprints. I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life. This really bothered me, and I questioned the Lord about it.

“Lord, you said that once I decided to follow You, You would walk with me all the way; But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why in times when I needed you the most, you should leave me."

The Lord replied,

“My precious, precious child. I love you, and I would never, never leave you during your times of trial and suffering. When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.”

--Merciful God, you hear the cries of our grief, and you know the anguish of our hearts. Sometimes the sorrows of this life are beyond our understanding and more than we can bear, but through the pain you are our strength and our redeemer.  We know you will not leave us in this life nor abandon us in death.

Hear our prayer for those in despair. Renew in them your sustaining strength for we believe that there is nothing in all creation that can separate us from your love in Christ Jesus our Lord, and no trial imaginable requires us to walk alone. Send the spirit of hope and peace to our friend and her family today. We trust you to fulfill your promise to walk with her through the valley of the shadow of death today and in the days to come.

Amen.

When God first started to reach my heart

I was reading through an old blog I used to keep but have since taken offline.  My pre-Christian days blog definitely has some posts that show a heart that is DECIDEDLY a non-believing one.  Some of my Facebook posts as well.

One post, though, marks the time when I started to really question whether or not I wanted to believe and let God in, or jump off the cliff and profess once and for all that God doesn't exist. This denial of God was something that had been toying with me for quite some time, and at the time of this post I was truly on the edge of that cliff; both terrified of and considering jumping right off.  I posted this on January 21, 2013.  The post was titled "Does God Exist"- here it is:

I am really struggling with my faith and this question.  Raised a Catholic, having gone to Catholic schools through high school, and now sending my children to a Catholic school does not automatically mean that I am going to continue to believe everything I had been taught by religion, apparently.

The downfall of my belief in the teachings of Catholicism started after college.  I really began to doubt some of the "rules" that Catholics are taught to follow.  I felt that God would know me, know my heart, and know my intent whether or not I went to church every Sunday or whether or not I confessed my sins to a priest.  I slowly stopped following the rules and traditions of the Catholic church but continued to believe in God and Jesus- at least, I thought I did.

Now- at 41 I am starting to wonder about it all in ways I have never allowed myself to admit.  I want to believe in God- I am sure I still do somewhere deep inside... but when I see the direction this world is taking, when I watch the words and actions of people who claim to be "Christians" yet don't seem to be living or acting the way I believe God and Jesus would want them to I have to question it all.  What the hell is going on in this world?  If there is a God- then why does it seem as though the entire world is completely FUBAR and getting worse? 

To make matters worse, I send my children to a Catholic school.  How can I be having such doubts and still send them there?  That has got to be the worst contradiction in the history of contradictions, right? 

Then, in the midst of all this confusion, my incredible husband who has professed to not believe in God and had a million arguments against such ridiculousness now seems to be having a change of heart on the matter.  It's like what was in me is now in him and vice versa.

We went to a new church this past Sunday, at my request.  He has indicated a readiness and desire to find a community that would help him with his journey toward possibly finding God and Jesus and so even though I have started having my doubts I looked up some options and found one for us to try.  I sobbed my way through the entire service, much to my utter disgust in myself.  WTF. 

So now- I am faced with a very difficult journey of my own.  I do not want to abandon my belief in God.  I really don't.  My good Catholic guilt is all over this one.... and I feel as though the depths of hell are just waiting to swallow me whole for even thinking such thoughts much less putting them on paper.  But there it is.  

I know some time back I posted here about not going to church so this isn't the first time ever that I have posted about such a topic.  It is, however, the first time I have ever admitted this struggle.  Well- I actually admitted this to Chad after church yesterday so technically THAT was the first time ever- but he is my best friend and absolute soul mate, so that doesn't really count cause he is safe.  This however, is anything but safe. 

So here I go- on a journey I never anticipated nor asked for, but one that I feel I cannot ignore.  I need to resolve this discontent and figure out where I stand.  It is critical. 

"Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase"    -Martin Luther King, Jr. 

"Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother"   - Khalil Gibran 

"I believe in everything until it's disproved.  So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons.  It all exists, even if it's in your mind.  Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?"   -John Lennon 

A good article to read that I took the title of this post from: Does God Exist

In Whom Do You trust?

"In whom do you now trust?""
      Isaiah 36:5

This is a pretty deep question given all the unrest in our country right now. With all the fighting, name calling, accusing, unfriending, blaming, threatening, hiding, lying, protesting, deceiving, backstabbing, justifying, abandoning, killing and idolizing.... just stop for a minute and think about this question. Who do you trust?


For the non-Christian.... really, who do you trust?  If you don't know God - and you see man falling apart left and right, who do you trust?  To be faithful until the end? To never let you down? To never lie to you? To never be weak and break a promise, or a commitment, or a law?  If you say you trust yourself then you are a far better person than I am. I can't trust myself not to eat Gluten for crying out loud- even when it makes me sicker than a dog. I can't tell you how many times I've promised myself that I won't eat any candy- and then someone has a bowl full of Almond Joys on their desk and it is 3pm and I am tired, hungry and slumping.  Down the hatch.  These may seem petty, but that is the point... if I can't keep petty little commitments to myself, what about when things get REALLY tough?


For the Christian.... do you really trust the God you claim to love and follow?  Fully?  How many of you are scared to death of Hillary becoming President and therefore are willing to "hold your nose" and vote for Trump?  Where is your trust?  Do you think God would ask you to do something against your values to achieve something?  Really?  Or is there a part of you that thinks God can't do this without you?

I am not going to go on and on about this because it has been talked TO DEATH. Many Christians are losing their minds over this election and I will not be one of them. I've said my piece multiple times in multiple posts - enough.  What I wanted to share, though, was this poignant and timely devotional by Truth For Life.   Just stop for a minute and read it, and then ask yourself in your heart of hearts- Whom do you trust?  And then ask- do you really?

"Reader, this is an important question. Listen to the Christian's answer, and see if it is yours. "In whom do you now trust?" "I trust," says the Christian, "in a triune God. I trust the Father, believing that He has chosen me from before the foundations of the world; I trust Him to provide for me in providence, to teach me, to guide me, to correct me if need be, and to bring me home to His own house where there are many rooms.

I trust the Son. He is very God of very God—the man Christ Jesus. I trust in Him to take away all my sins by His own sacrifice and to clothe me with His perfect righteousness. I trust Him to be my Intercessor, to present my prayers and desires before His Father's throne, and I trust Him to be my Advocate at the last great day, to plead my cause, and to justify me. I trust Him for what He is, for what He has done, and for what He has promised still to do.

And I trust the Holy Spirit—He has begun to save me from my inbred sins; I trust Him to drive them all out; I trust Him to curb my temper, to subdue my will, to enlighten my understanding, to check my passions, to comfort my despondency, to help my weakness, to illuminate my darkness. I trust Him to dwell in me as my life, to reign in me as my King, to sanctify me completely, spirit, soul, and body, and then to take me up to dwell with the saints in light forever."

What blessed trust—to trust Him whose power will never be exhausted, whose love will never weaken, whose kindness will never change, whose faithfulness will never fail, whose wisdom will never be overruled, and whose perfect goodness can never be impaired! You are happy, reader, if this trust is yours! So trusting, you will enjoy sweet peace now and glory later, and the foundation of your trust will never be removed."