When "venting" is actually just gossiping

"Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips."  Psalms 141:3

I watched a video today that is so good and really convicted me to write this post.  I will link it at the end. 

Story time. My first marriage was very difficult. My husband was an alcoholic and progressively got worse over the nearly 12 years we were married. Tragically, our marriage didn't survive, and 4 years after we divorced his alcoholism killed him. 

During all of this, I had a lot of self-righteousness. I wasn't a Christian then, and as a devout lover of Jesus now I look back on that time and am disgusted by my own behavior. There is no doubt it was the most difficult time in my life and things were not good at all.... but I made them much worse by my own behavior. I talked HORRIBLY about him to my friends and family. All the time. When I did that, I wasn't looking for counsel. I thought of it as venting but my behavior was making the problems in my marriage worse because it served to increase my self-righteousness and increased his shame. My friends only ever heard my side of the story. The few times someone (not a close friend) gently challenged me, I didn't want to hear it and stopped talking to those people. My attitude was that HE was the problem, and I was the victim. Nothing was ever fixed through my "venting" because what I was doing was actually making things worse. 

If you find yourself "venting" about your husband frequently, watch this video and be honest with yourself about what you are doing. If you are a Christian and you aren't seeking the counsel of a Godly person, ready and willing to receive feedback that may hold you responsible for YOUR role.... then you aren't helping yourself or anyone else. This is when "venting" becomes gossiping, and it is incredibly destructive. Marriage is not easy, and being married to someone with an addiction is 1000 times more difficult. Don't make it worse. Seek real help from a Godly person. Marriage is a gift from God and needs to be held with the highest standard and regard. It deserves nothing less than your full attention and fullest effort. Even if it feels like you are the only one giving it. Don't give up on it by giving in to gossip with people who will just take your side no matter what.

I'm NOT suggesting you remain in a situation that is dangerous or one where you are being physically abused.  In that case I urge you to get to safety and see wise and Godly counsel. That is a very difficult situation and I will not pretend it isn't.  For those NOT in an unsafe situation, though... I urge you to look to our Lord and His helpers (Godly people) to help you through it instead of friends or family who will automatically take your side and forever dislike your spouse based on your "venting". How unfair to you AND him. If you want your marriage to have a fighting chance don't do that. This doesn't mean you should suffer silently and alone.... there are better ways to get support that won't undermine the person you promised to love and honor forever who is struggling, too.

If you are in a marriage involving addiction and you are in pain and hurting, please reach out. I would love to pray with and for you. I know firsthand how hard it is. You don't have to go through this alone. I don't have all the answers but I understand.  I will leave you with some scripture, and please make sure to watch the video I have linked below. 

"Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct."   1 Peter 3:1-2

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29

"Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless."  James 1:26

"Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it."  James 4:11

"Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues."  Proverbs 10:19

To my Wig Sisters and anyone suffering and struggling to come out from under it

"The experiences of our lives, when we let God use them, become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the work He will give us to do." Corrie Ten Boom, The Hiding Place

I suffer from hair loss and wear wigs.  I have suffered for over 20 years, and have worn wigs for about 4 (as of July 2022).  I am very public about this, and even have a YouTube channel where I make videos on hair loss and wigs.  Because of my openness, I  often hear from women who are devastated by their hair loss and positively defeated and overwhelmed by the wig journey.  It breaks my heart to hear their stories and realize the pain they are in, but when a wig sister tells me she is a Christian, it breaks my heart even more because a love for Jesus should be a comforting salve for this pain.  Unfortunately, it often isn't because we humans can be so self-centered that we struggle to see our true purpose under Christ. I don't use the word self-centered in a mean or derogatory way.... it is simply a fact of our fallen nature that we struggle to see our pain in the context of the Gospel and instead see it as the end all be all of our lives at that moment. I suffer from this as much as the next person and constantly have to repent of it so please don't take my saying this as some sort of self-righteousness.  I am right there with you.

I am listening to Corrie Ten Boom's book The Hiding Place on Audible and the quote that started this post hit me squarely between the eyes on this topic.  If you are struggling with ANYTHING to the point that it paralyzes you, or makes you feel absolutely hopeless or helpless... stop for a moment and remember that you are a Child of God and you are here because He loves you and has a purpose for you. What you are going through may hurt... it may hurt more than anything you've ever experienced in your life thus far, but it isn't in vain. God will use it to refine you and make you even more useful to His Kingdom than you ever imagined. It will drive you to Him in prayer and desperation to find relief.  That is by design.  He knows we need Him, and He also knows that we sometimes need a push toward Him, and nothing works better than a little (or a lot) of pain.  Trust Him. Pray to Him for the strength to bear up under the pain. Read His word and focus on those who also suffered and bore their suffering well because of God's mercy, grace, and love that helped them through their trials.  God put them there as a comfort to us.  He knew we would struggle. 

• Job lost EVERYTHING and suffered physically in the most horrible way but he never lost his faith and trust in God.

• David had to live in hiding for years while Saul was trying to kill him, and had to wait patiently for 15 years after he was told he would be king, most of that time he fought for his life and lived in caves and hiding.

• Moses had to lead the Israelites through the desert for 40 years, facing more difficult times and anger from others than most of us will ever know... and he did this knowing he would NEVER get to live in the promised land but he was faithful anyway.

• Paul lost everything to follow Jesus and suffered more than we can even imagine for the Gospel.

• Jeremiah suffered all kinds of abuse and trials but remained faithful through it all.

• Hannah isn't talked about much but she suffered terribly by not being able to have children. Yet she persevered and continued to lean on God in her despair.

If you are suffering, please make reading God's word a priority. In addition to the ones listed above, do an online search of people who suffered in the Bible and then go read those scriptures. Don't just read the verses, internalize them. Remember these are REAL people living REAL lives.  Imagine what they went through and what it would have been like.  Study the ones that speak to you further. Don't wallow in your suffering. Use it to bring you closer to God and to be more open to His will in your life.  Believers who suffer well and draw closer to God in the process provide much-needed hope and inspiration to others. Don't you find that to be true?

There is a book that has helped me ALOT through my own trials and suffering. It is called Hope When it Hurts. Here is a link to it on Amazon. https://amzn.to/3uEiZWd

I highly recommend the Corrie Ten Boom book The Hiding Place as well.  I am not yet finished with it but I have already been so blessed by it!!  Here is a link: https://amzn.to/3ausr7D

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose" Romans 8:28

Remembering 9/11

"And Mordecai told them to answer Esther: “Do not think in your heart that you will escape in the king’s palace any more than all the other Jews. For if you remain completely silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?”  Esther 4:13-14

On this anniversary of 9/11, I once again remember what happened; both to honor those who died as a result of the attack on freedom and to ensure that I never forget. Make no mistake, the attack was conducted by external AND internal forces, and we have not been told the truth.  20 years later, all of a certain age remember this day but some have not been given eyes to see. The Bible warns us of this.  Deuteronomy 29:4, Romans 11:8, Luke 8:10, Ephesians 4:18, 2 Thessalonians 2:10-12 all talk about being blinded or having eyes closed because of hardness of heart. 

Self confessed Christians begging the government to save them and attacking fellow Christians for not doing the same and following lockstep saddens me. If you say you are a Christian and confess Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior then it is time to take your head out of the sand and stand against this blasphemy.  This nation has lost its way, my sisters and brothers. Our government has committed and continues to commit evil works through blasphemous laws and dictates.  It mocks God and His ordered creation, telling us that babies are not humans deserving of life, men are not men, women are not women, and God did not create a holy order among the land and all His creatures. 

Christian, how can you trust a government such as this? Do you dare turn a blind eye to the evil that our laws celebrate in order to absolve yourself from having to walk through the fear of what might happen if you resist the evil?  Or are you so untrusting of God's goodness that you will elevate man to the level of savior and believe anything you are told, even if it is born of evil and lies?  Satan has taken over the hearts and minds of many in power and it is up to you as a child of God to stand up for righteousness. We trust God and God alone. We work the land, raise our families, read our Bibles, follow God's word, love our neighbor, and condemn evil. We submit to God's definition of these things, not man's. If you cannot spot the difference then get into your Bible immediately and start reading. I mean it.  If you are not immersed in God's word daily during this treacherous time then you are at risk of falling to the evil one and being lost forever.  

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.  Matthew 7:21

It may already be too late for America as the laws in this country have been spitting in the face of our Savior for a long time. 

 "Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them. For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen."  Romans 1:24-25

But we, His people, must be strong and stand in the faith. Pray for a holy and righteous revival. Do not be afraid. You must not follow unrighteous and evil dictates. When it is unclear whether something is a kingdom issue or not, you must go to Christ in prayer and supplication, seeking His will and trusting the Holy Spirit to work in and guide you.  No Christian has the right or calling to judge another when acting in faithful obedience to what they are being called to do under God. We are each being used for the kingdom differently, and our trust is in our King for these things.

Lest you say that the Bible calls us to submit to the government, let me say this. God calls us to submit to a government in so much as it submits to Him. When that government is under judgment and is replacing virtue with evil we are to stand strong and put on the full armor of God.  Full stop.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints..."  Ephesians 6:10-18

The Bible may command us to render to Caesar what is Caesar's (Matthew 22:21) , but just because Caesar claims something doesn't make it his. 

So today, remember our brothers and sisters who were lost to the evil of that day.  Remember our brothers and sisters who have been lost since then due to their selfless commitment to serve and protect.  Pray for the mercy of our Lord and the strength of the saints to stand against evil in this day.  Pray for those in power. That the scales will be removed from their eyes and this country will experience a revival and bring back virtue and morality to our laws and dictates.

“First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way.”   1 Timothy 2:1-2

God speed, and may the strength of the Lord and His might be with you today and always.  Much love to you all. 

Passing on a great Christian apologist - Alisa Childers

I just recently discovered Alisa Childers and find her videos relevant and the information she shares Biblically sound (as much as I am able to discern that at this point in my walk with Jesus). 

Since finding good faith-based discussions that have both sound theology and are relatable at the same time can be so difficult, I am going to start sharing when I find something good here on my blog. I can't always write something myself, but sharing what I am reading or watching is just as important (and probably more so since I am not terribly mature in my faith yet). 

Please check out her YouTube channel if you are looking for Christian podcasts that do not shy away from the truth but rather tell it in a calm, educated, and intelligent way that doesn't seek to sensationalize.

Alisa Childers YouTube channel

BIG CHANGES COMING

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes;  its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”  Jeremiah 17:7-8

My husband and I are making some BIG CHANGES in our lives in 2021 as a direct act of worship and trust in our Lord.  I will be writing a post about this soon, but need some time to work it out in my head enough to write about it.  The bottom line, though, is that we feel God calling us to a season of trust in Him.  We have been trying to direct and control our lives for years, and all that we have gotten from that is extremely poor health (mine), extremely high anxiety (both of us), and a struggle to focus on what is important.  We are so distracted by the world that Jesus has become secondary (at best).  

So- to step out in faith we are purposefully decreasing so that God can increase.  This is a huge change for us, and one I have been fighting for last past 5 years as we have talked about it off and on for that long. 

But our Father's grace is truly an incredible gift... and through His love and mercy, I am finally ready to take the leap (my husband has been ready for quite a while now).  

On January 29, 2021 I will leave my career and effectively cut my family's income in half so that we can focus on trusting the Lord.  We are walking away from the major distraction in our lives, my career, so we can finally hear what God is saying to us.  Scary?  It should be.... but the truth of this verse is working a miracle in us right now:

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:7

Stay tuned..... more to come!

Christian discernment at election time

"I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people – for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.” 1 Timothy 2:1-2

On my heart this morning is a strong feeling that I have to say something in witness to God our Creator during this time of unrest and Presidential election. It has been a long time since I have felt compelled to write. There are many times I want to write something about my faith, or about something I am reading in my Bible studies.... but I have learned over the years that my writing on topics of faith and God is only possible when God Himself compels me. This is a good thing, because I still do not feel worthy or capable of writing truthfully or in a way that honors our Lord. I worry often about writing false statements about God, faith, and the Bible and therefore misleading others, which would be worse then almost anything in my mind.

But today, during my morning prayer and devotional reading, I felt such a strong compulsion to share what I was writing in my journal that here I am, putting it out there publicly forever. My prayer is that I am speaking truth and not lies.... that the Spirit is moving my fingers and my words and not Satan. I consider Philippians 4:8 to be one of my major life verses and never want to do something that contradicts these words in my writing here:

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things."

There is a great responsibility put upon believers in our Lord Jesus Christ to follow and defend God's commands. While we may not technically be under the law due to Jesus' fulfillment of it, being under Grace does not absolve us of the responsibility to honor and obey the natural order God has put in place in the world.

For the past few years I have been thinking a lot about what that natural order is. There are so many ways we can fall into the weeds and wind up resting on a legalistic view of faith and religion if we are not careful. That said, loving one another, as the Bible commands, does not mean accepting unacceptable, sinful, or blasphemous behavior that derives its value from Satan. The God of Heaven may have provided us with a tremendous demonstration of His love for us by sending Jesus as propitiation for our sins, but He did not change or abolish the natural order for human behavior which was created when He created the world.

While I do not pretend to be a scholar on these things, I do think A LOT about this topic and read a fair amount. As I said earlier, it is so hard for me to put these thoughts out there because I worry about being incorrect. Discussions with my husband on matter's of faith and God definitely serve to keep me humble in this area, and remind me of my frailty when it comes to faithful living and thinking. I worry quite a bit about being a tool for Satan, which I am at great risk of if I am not careful. That said.... here were my thoughts on this topic this morning.

The 3 main values I believe I must focus on FIRST as I consider voting in November are:

• The sanctity of Life
• The sanctity of Marriage
• Freedom of Worship and Religion

There are MANY other considerations, of course.... the government has tremendous impact on all aspects of our lives. BUT, to me as a Christian, these values must be and are primary. There is no nuance to them. They are sacrosanct and not up for debate. Regardless of a candidate's platform on healthcare, taxes, defense spending, or a myriad of other things that are IMPORTANT.... the 3 bullets above are ABSOLUTE to a Christian and must be considered before anything else. While God commands us to render to Caesar what is  Caesar's.... He also commands us to give to God what is God's. To a Christian God comes before ALL ELSE... therefore we must consider what is God's before we consider what is man's. Government and all that goes with it is man's.... therefore I must consider God's areas first, and then move on to man's.

Our country is in such turmoil right now.... the most I have ever seen in my nearly 49 years on earth. I believe we are truly on the brink of destruction not unlike Sodom, Gomorrah, Babylon, the Roman empire. It is more important than ever that we take a strong stand for the foundation of God's creation. The more we stray from God and His foundational principles for us, the worse it will be for Believers and non-believers alike until Jesus returns. 

I did not vote for Trump or Hillary in 2016. Actually, at that time I was only a few years into my journey as a Christian. I was still such a baby in my faith but had A LOT to say about the intersection of my faith and God's word as I knew it then and what I was seeing happening with the Presidential candidates. You can look back at my blog posts from that time, there were many. Some may have been a bit misinformed, but I choose to leave them there because it is reflection of where was I was at that time. As humans we continue to grow and learn, and as the popular Maya Angelou quote goes: "I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better."

Back to why I did not vote for either of them (although I did vote). I did not vote for them because I did not believe they would protect the basic precepts of humanity under God. Hillary pretty much said so and still does today (as do most Democratic candidates, unfortunately). Trump may have said some "Christian" things, but I did not vote for him because I did not believe him due to his former record and behavior as it relates to being a Believer. 

Now, in 2020, I am faced again with an election that requires me to look deeply at the things I believe and that are paramount to Christianity and judge the candidates presented against these things.

We are just under 2 months out from the election, and I don't know yet what I will do. My gut is telling me not to be swayed by the loud voices all around me, but to spend time in deep prayer and ask for the will of God to be revealed. Ultimately, His will WILL be done.... God is sovereign and nothing happens that doesn't work for His ultimate glory. As Christians like to say, we know how it ends. Having said that.... we don't know WHEN it will end, or when our own personal journey will be finished on this earth. In the meantime, we must be faithful and not operate out of fear or pressure from others who may not share our deeply held beliefs (and there are many that claim to but do not, remember that).

What I do know is that in my faithfulness there are some things I cannot vote for.

I cannot:

• vote for someone who is mentally incompetent
• vote for someone who will not recognize and support the sanctity of human life, including unborn babies, the ill or infirm, and vulnerable adults 
• vote for someone who doesn't recognize the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman or that works to undermine it
• vote for someone who sees government as higher or more important than church and will use power to control the church and Christian behavior

I continue to think and pray about this, and, if you are a Christian, I hope you will, too. These are not easy times, and trying to marry the values of this world with the values of the Kingdom is a fruitless endeavor fraught with peril. In order to be wise, we must get VERY CLEAR on what our Kingdom priorities are first. As a Christian this is the only way to roll.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

I am being cleansed and so are you

"Beloved Savior, let the glorious, ceaseless cleansing of Thy blood through Thy Spirit in me be made known to me and shared by me every moment. Amen."

Do you at times feel so unworthy to call yourself a Christian? Do you stumble sometimes- saying or thinking terrible, unchristian-like things? Or maybe your wants overshadow everything, causing your to hoard, spend money you don't have, or covet the things others post pictures of on social media, consuming you with obsessive jealously? Or maybe you are just sad in your heart because you are unsure of your salvation and don't know if God really loves you because you find yourself unlovable? 

I can truly say yes to ALL of the above and sometimes it is all I can do to lift my head up from my shame and sadness over all my weaknesses. It is true.... I struggle internally more now than I ever did before I was saved. Before I was oblivious, now, my love for Jesus so strong that it puts all my sins and weaknesses in front of me like a magnifying glass. Jesus doesn't do this to me, the evil one does.


I know I am not alone in this... so if you are struggling today... maybe this devotional will help to remind you that you are FREE from these things! Jesus cleansed you of ALL sin; big, small, and everything in between. You are renewed hourly by His sacrifice, what an AMAZING gift! Dry your tears today, and thank Jesus for His love. You may cry some more tomorrow, we are only human after all... and as your Sister in Christ I am here to tell you I understand and I struggle, too.


TODAY, after crying many tears during my prayer time this morning, I picked myself up, dried those tears, said a prayer of thanks, and am here to give you a hug from one broken Believer to another. We will get through this with the love of Christ and the love of our brothers and sisters in the faith. BELIEVE!!


I did not write the below, it was posted by Truth for Life- you can find the original post here

Cleanses
The blood of Jesus his son cleanses us from all sin.   1 John 1:7

"Cleanses," says the text—not "shall cleanse." There are multitudes who think that as a dying hope they may look forward to pardon. Oh, how infinitely better to have cleansing now than to depend on the bare possibility of forgiveness when I come to die.

Some imagine that a sense of pardon is an attainment only obtainable after many years of Christian experience. But forgiveness of sin is a present reality—a privilege for this day, a joy for this very hour. The moment a sinner trusts Jesus he is fully forgiven. The text, being written in the present tense, also indicates continuance; it was "cleanses" yesterday, it is "cleanses" today, it will be "cleanses" tomorrow. This is the way it will always be with you, Christian, until you cross the river; every hour you may come to this fountain, for it cleanses still.

Notice, likewise, the completeness of the cleansing: "The blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin"—not only from sin, but "from all sin." Reader, I cannot convey the exceeding sweetness of this word, but I pray that God the Holy Ghost will give you a taste of it. Manifold are our sins against God. Whether the bill be little or great, the same receipt can discharge one as the other. The blood of Jesus Christ is as blessed and divine a payment for the transgressions of blaspheming Peter as for the shortcomings of loving John.

Our iniquity is gone, all gone at once, and all gone forever. Blessed completeness! What a sweet theme to dwell upon as one gives himself to sleep.

Sins against a holy God;
Sins against His righteous laws;
Sins against His love, His blood;
Sins against His name and cause;
Sins immense as is the sea—
From them all He cleanseth me.